How SWEEP it is!!!

I don't know what it is, but something in me wants to post THIS picture:

Strange, huh? Don't you just love August baseball? I know, "but the Yanks are still 5 games out of the AL East." To that I say: before the A-Rod "Ha" incident, they were 14 1/2 out. Some might consider that a pretty sizable collapse of the first place team (whose name is escaping me at the moment).

2090!

You Gotta Have a Montage

From the "Be Careful What You Wish For" files:

Two weeks ago, I announced that Bud started crawling. This chick is everywhere now! Big pile of toys in the bedroom? Forget it, let's go into mommy and daddy's bedroom...let's see what's in the kitchen. Oh, this drawer looks fun, let's open it. Watching her go from pretty much staying in one spot to spanning the length of my house over the course of only two weeks is like watching a montage from an '80s movie.

P.S. The Bad Parenting hit parade continued last night. Newgrandma and Newgrandpa watched Bud so that Newmommy and I could go to a comedy show. It was at the Garden State PNC Bank Arts Center, so naturally there was a lot of Jersey material. To truly round out a Jersey evening, we decided to do a midnight diner stop, complete with cheese fries and a chocolate milkshake. (Disco fries were considered, and rejected.) At the diner, we saw a woman holding and feeding a three-month-old. It drove Newmommy and I crazy. HEY! LADY!! Get that baby into a crib where he belongs!!

Not such a good story, I know, but I needed an excuse to mention the cheese fries.

P.P.S. Thanks, Seattle, for finally taking an "L" last night. Keep doing that. (I am not saying that I have given up on the AL East, but I am going to save my Boston-banter for the upcoming series.)

Keeehhhhh-chup!

A few weeks ago, we were at a BBQ, sitting on our blanket with a few other couples and their kids. Bud, having finished her dinner, notices that the two-year-old sitting next to her has got a big plate of food but, perhaps most intriguing, a giant glob of ketchup (catsup?). There's nothing more fun than putting your hand in a pile of ketchup right? So, she reaches for it.

Does the daddy of the two-year-old stop her? Of course, not. All this genius does is say, "Ketchup!!" Actually, it was more like "Keeeeeeehhhhhh-chup."

As I was washing the ketchup out of everything, I tried to come up with better reactions to seeing an eleven-month-old about to stick her hand in ketchup. Here's my list:

(1) Try to stop her arm. (I understand, some people are uncomfortable touching others' children, even in those circumstances...and I can respect that. However...)
(2) Move the plate away. (It was his kid's plate, so there is no excuse.)
(3) Try to distract her. (A father of a two-year-old has the experience in that department...at least put in some effort, man!)
(4) Anything. Get up, walk away, grab a beer, put on a clown suit, I don't care. But, don't encourage my daughter to grab ketchup!

Keeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh-chup. I mean...come on!

Yankees 9, Detroit 3, Bad Parents 2: Oh Yeah...

Forgot this gem:

After the chair-falling, beer-juggling incident, Mrs. Row M, about half-way down her third beer, said, "I feel so 'Unparently.'" No, it's not a word, but yes, it was dead-on.

Yankees 9, Detroit 3, Bad Parents 2

With Newgrandma and Newgrandpa watching Bud, Newmommy and I climbed to Row N of the Tier Reserved section of Yankees Stadium yesterday, and watched the Bombers silence the Tigers 9-3. While Wang's pitching was uneventful, the young tag-team of Joba & Edwar pitched 3 perfect innings.
What made this victory so sweet was that the big "L" went to Bonderman. You remember Bonderman, right? More good news as we were leaving Yankee Stadium: the California, Los Angeles, Anaheim, Los Angeles of Anaheim....well, the West Coast Not Red Sox won, bringing the Yankees to within four of the AL East Crown. Stupid Seattle had to win and ruin my perfect day. Stupid day-ruiner.

Which brings me to Tier Reserved Row M, seats to two of the worst parents I have ever seen. Mr. & Mrs. Row M (and extended family) brought their adorable little three-year-old girl to see the game. Definitely a point in their favor. But, as an impartial ump...these parents are 0-1 in parenting in my book (big strikeout, definitely not 'looking'):

Strike One: letting the kid stand on her fold-down seat without supervision, leading to the inevitable fall and the even-more-inevitable giant bruise between the eyes.

Strike Two: waiting 1 1/3 innings to get up and get ice for the developing welt.

Strike Three: trying to carry out the kid in one hand, beer in the other.

The parents' combined beer total equaled the number of runs scored by the Yankees. That may have been acceptable in May, but not today.

P.S. Thank you Angels. You can stop winning now.