World's Best Dad My Ass...

Dear Guy-at-the-beach-on-Sunday-wearing-the-"World's-Best-Dad-T-Shirt,"

You sonofabitch.

How dare you wear a T-Shirt that says "World's Best Dad" on Father's Day? Father's Day is the one day out of the year when all of us fathers get to stop, look at our families, and take pride in what we've accomplished for our children. It is a day when we get to bask in the pride and admiration of our wives and children. And you have the nerve to publicly announce that you're better than the rest of us.

Are you really the World's Best Dad? Who made that decision? I am unaware of any international committee that tabulates research results or surveys from all over the world to arrive at one person who can truly claim the title "World's Best." And even if there was, I would question their methodologies...I doubt any group can truly and accurately obtain and sift through all of the world's information regarding fatherhood, and arrive at one certain "World's Best." But, I don't think you were chosen by any committee. Methinks your kids just bought you the shirt, without doing any friggin' research at all. That's pretty presumptive.

Plus, I saw you spending most of your time on the blackberry. I am pretty sure that the World's Best Father would spend zero time on his blackberry while lounging with the kids. In fact, World's Best would probably not even OWN a blackberry...he would spend all of his non-office time with his kids.

I award you no points, and may Gd have mercy on your soul.

Best,

Newdaddy