Baby, you can drive my car.

Bad parenting. Bad, bad parenting....



Oh, and P.S....the Yankees need some help, let's call the Wonderpets....this is serious....

Potpourri

• Bad Parenting?: Are there any other fathers out there who, when reading nursery rhymes, can't help but think of Andrew Dice Clay's renditions from the early nineties? "Hickory, Dickory, Doc...."
  
• New Toy: Apparently, daddy's glasses are more fun than any Leapfrog talking, singing, put-it-together, battery-operated toy. Bud's not hard to please. Grab daddy's glasses from his face, shake, then eat.
  
• Update: Bud's smile seems to be developing into this face-scrunch over-smile, which is very cute. I've seen this from a lot of babies around this age.
  
• Observation: It seems that every time I bad-mouth a Yankee, they end up proving me wrong. (For example...) With that in mind.... man, that Abreu, Damon, Cano, Cabrera, Menkwekwiskch....., can't seem to get a hit lately.
  
• P.S. I do realize that it's Igawa, not Ikawa...but it's transliteration anyway, right?

[Edit (2:10pm), bottom of the third- Doug Mientkiewicz, 3-run HR vs. Tavarez (BOS). It's scary. I sure don't think Wang can strike out every remaining batter...]

Bud: Baby in the City

Sunday was Bud's first "trip" into the city. Originally, we had considered going to the Laurie Berkner concert in Central Park, but we did not want to fight the crowds. (That's right folks, your humble narrator was considering going to a Laurie Berkner concert....not that she's not talented...but, oh how my life has changed...)

Instead, we walked throughout the city. Beginning at the midtown ferry terminal on 38th Street, we walked down the West Side Highway to Highline Thai Restaurant on Washington and Little West 12th. We stopped for Brunch & Bottle (which also meant something quite different to me about 5 years ago....at least the "bottle" part.) I highly recommend this place- great Thai brunch...something different.

From there, we moved over to Magnolia Bakery (yes, that Magnolia Bakery), finally to feed Bud at a nearby park. The park was crowded with kids playing, which was fine, but since when is it OK for eight- and nine-year old kids to run around naked in a public park? Put some pants on your kid, dammit!

From there, we walked back to the ferry, and back to the N-J.

All in all, it was a fun day. Better than my evening tonight; watching the running-cold Yankees go from a minor derailment to an effing train wreck to an absolute disaster. I actually went to this game, and it was quite a disappointment. I am planning on going to tomorrow's game, although I do so very nervously. Effing Red Sox....Coco Crisp....that can't be his real name.

Now, I'm a fun guy and all...

...but does anyone else see something disturbing about this particular toy? Or am I just reading into it?

Vegas, Baby!! (Or, 10 things I learned in Vegas)

1. I thought I was a good wingman before I had a child...but, nothing works better than a cellphone picture of a baby. (Your welcome, fellas!)
   
2. Vegas is the most honest city in the world...everyone's generally after money, but Vegas does not try to hide this fact. (MGM Grand charges $16 for a raft for the day....$16....are you f-ing kidding me?!?!)
   
3. There are no "lounges" anymore, there are only "ultralounges." See this and this.
4. Its virtually impossible to keep track of your baby's schedule when you are separated by three time zones.
   
5. If you don't pay someone, you're not getting in....unless your name ends in "Hilton", "Reid" or "Lohan."
   
6. I didn't know this, but apparently there are strippers in Vegas. (Go figure.) For every stripper, there is a failure of a father somewhere. But we already knew that.
7. As good as I am at blackjack, I am about $70 worse at poker.
   
8. Danny Gans is permanently "Entertainer of the Year." I've been going to Vegas every year since '02, and those billboards have never changed. He must be very good.
   
9. Red Bull actually does give you wings.
10. There are few things more painful than the flight home from Vegas. Except for maybe a five hour flight home from Vegas.

Neglectful Blogger

Apologies for my recent hiatus. Last Thursday, I took my annual trip to Vegas with a bunch of my buddies. (It was not a mancation in any sense of the word). Got back late Sunday night, only to leave Tuesday morning for a business trip from which I just returned.

During the 181 hours from the time I left for work last Thursday morning to now, I spent a total of 20 waking minutes with Bud. And, apparently, even less time blogging.

Over the next week or so, I hope to do some more posting. In the absence of any real fathering stories...maybe I'll just regale you with stories of Vegas.

Foot-in-Mouth Disease

Sometimes, it's hard to tell the sex of a (clothed) baby. Hair has not fully grown in yet, clothes can be deceiving, and there is really no "voice" to speak of yet. So, I generally make it a practice never to use a masculine or feminine pronoun about a baby unless I have definitive evidence about their sex. (For example, at a circumcision, it's easy. When there's a big pink bow, it's pretty easy too. At the hospital with "it's a boy balloons"...pretty simple call).

So don't call Bud my son, you jackhole at the grocery store. She's wearing an f-ing pink shirt, and just because the stroller is light blue, isn't it safer to go with the clothes? And, if you are unsure, isn't it safer not to say anything at all? I would assume that offending a parent by acting as if you can't tell the sex is better than offending the parent for getting it wrong.

(And speaking of foot-in-mouth disease....I do realize that in a previous post, I suggested that the Yanks should divest A-Rod. So, I stand corrected...he's off to a great start this season (and in today's game vs. the O's).)

Like an Old Lady at a Wedding

Bud has a new trick: she has figured out that when a camera is pointed at her, she needs to smile for a picture. Naturally, she stops smiling when she sees the flash.

This raises a problem when I try to take video. I point the camera at her and she "freezes" waiting for the picture. It's like an old lady at a wedding, when the video camera circles the tables so that guest can give their wishes to the couple...they sometimes don't realize the camera is a "movie camera" and pose for the flash....

P.S. A-Rod! Time to get those jerseys off the discount rack. Make room for the Ikawa jerseys.

Ye Mountains Skip Like Rams, Ye Hills Like Lambs

You'd have to be Jewish to get that...so to even things out: here is something for everyone. Anyway, happy Passover. Just got through two nights of seders (read: two nights of eating way too much). Bud seemed to enjoy them...of course her meals were the same as usual: a bottle, some rice and the fruit/vegetable du jour (that's the vegetable of the day...mmmm, that sounds good, I'll have that).

Who Are They Trying To Keep Out of These Things?

What's the deal with kid's toys? First of all, the boxes are vacuum-sealed shut...and it takes forever to get the damn things open. Then, when you finally do get them open (and tape up all of the cuts on your hands), all of the pieces are super-glued to the inside of the box! The Department of Homeland Security should team up with the people who make kid's toys. If they can keep parent's out of kid's toys, they can keep terrorists off of planes.

And, if you didn't like my little Seinfeld impersonation, perhaps you'd like this one better.