Thursday, August 30, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Two weeks ago, I announced that Bud started crawling. This chick is everywhere now! Big pile of toys in the bedroom? Forget it, let's go into mommy and daddy's bedroom...let's see what's in the kitchen. Oh, this drawer looks fun, let's open it. Watching her go from pretty much staying in one spot to spanning the length of my house over the course of only two weeks is like watching a montage from an '80s movie.
P.S. The Bad Parenting hit parade continued last night. Newgrandma and Newgrandpa watched Bud so that Newmommy and I could go to a comedy show. It was at the
Garden State PNC Bank Arts Center, so naturally there was a lot of Jersey material. To truly round out a Jersey evening, we decided to do a midnight diner stop, complete with cheese fries and a chocolate milkshake. (Disco fries were considered, and rejected.) At the diner, we saw a woman holding and feeding a three-month-old. It drove Newmommy and I crazy. HEY! LADY!! Get that baby into a crib where he belongs!!
Not such a good story, I know, but I needed an excuse to mention the cheese fries.
P.P.S. Thanks, Seattle, for finally taking an "L" last night. Keep doing that. (I am not saying that I have given up on the AL East, but I am going to save my Boston-banter for the upcoming series.)
Friday, August 24, 2007
Does the daddy of the two-year-old stop her? Of course, not. All this genius does is say, "Ketchup!!" Actually, it was more like "Keeeeeeehhhhhh-chup."
As I was washing the ketchup out of everything, I tried to come up with better reactions to seeing an eleven-month-old about to stick her hand in ketchup. Here's my list:
(1) Try to stop her arm. (I understand, some people are uncomfortable touching others' children, even in those circumstances...and I can respect that. However...)
(2) Move the plate away. (It was his kid's plate, so there is no excuse.)
(3) Try to distract her. (A father of a two-year-old has the experience in that department...at least put in some effort, man!)
(4) Anything. Get up, walk away, grab a beer, put on a clown suit, I don't care. But, don't encourage my daughter to grab ketchup!
Keeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh-chup. I mean...come on!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
What made this victory so sweet was that the big "L" went to Bonderman. You remember Bonderman, right? More good news as we were leaving Yankee Stadium: the
Which brings me to Tier Reserved Row M, seats to two of the worst parents I have ever seen. Mr. & Mrs. Row M (and extended family) brought their adorable little three-year-old girl to see the game. Definitely a point in their favor. But, as an impartial ump...these parents are 0-1 in parenting in my book (big strikeout, definitely not 'looking'):
Strike One: letting the kid stand on her fold-down seat without supervision, leading to the inevitable fall and the even-more-inevitable giant bruise between the eyes.
Strike Two: waiting 1 1/3 innings to get up and get ice for the developing welt.
Strike Three: trying to carry out the kid in one hand, beer in the other.
The parents' combined beer total equaled the number of runs scored by the Yankees. That may have been acceptable in May, but not today.
P.S. Thank you Angels. You can stop winning now.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
[Feel free to insert whatever "where you at" joke you find most funny here...]
I like my idea better: auction the kid's name off. Before Bud was born, I had this idea to write to a number of major corporations, giving the right to name my child to the highest bidder. Think of it: "Continental Airlines Newfamily." Or "Coca-cola Newfamily." We're talking a whole lifetime's worth of publicity! Everywhere that kid went, he'd be a walking advertisement...it would be worth millions! Oh sure, it may screw the kid up for life, but certainly no more than naming the kid @! Also, the revenue would cover college. Plus, the kid would have first-hand experience in the field of marketing and advertising.
It didn't take Newmommy very long to drop the veto on that one.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
What was interesting was that she crawled the day after I removed the baby swing and bouncy-seat (both of which are outgrown...) from the kitchen. Maybe she needed the runway space!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Happy Blog-o-versary, my faithful readers. (Including you, Mr. Google-search-for "fake breast in the movie Meet the Parents.)
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Total # of Children:
2002: one, a dog, if you consider that a child. I don't.
Song Stuck in My Head Throughout Trip:
2002: Nelly's "Hot in Heere" [sic]
2007: Laurie Berkner's "Let's go Swimming"
Most Common Reason for Leaving the Beach:
2002: Miller Time
2007: Nap Time
Most Frequent Program Played on TV:
2002: "American Idol" (Not my choice).
2007: Sesame Street's "Beginning Together" (Not my choice).
Most Frequent Game Played:
2007: "Bud has a cup on her head"
2002: There was one?