Friday, August 25, 2006

10 Conversations I'll Be Glad Not to Have Again

Another of the perils of having a pregnant wife is that you tend to have the same conversations over and over. As we reach the middle of Newmommy's thirty-eighth week, I happily anticipate not having to have any of the follow ten conversations again (or, at least until Bud II is conceived):
  1. How poorly babyproofed my house is (breakables everywhere, lots of staircases, etc.)
  2. "Breastfeeding: when should it end?" (Or the similar conversations: "Is Newmommy Breastfeeding?" and "Breastfeeding is a personal decision, don't let the Boobnazis pressure Newmommy.")
  3. Your life is going to change. (In all of its forms, including: "You're going to lose sleep", "Enjoy going out to dinner now", "Don't plan any vacations for a while", etc.)
  4. "Is your hospital bag packed?" Yes, my is.
  5. "You're going to be changing lots of you know how?" Shit. Literally.
  6. "Make sure you help Newmommy...she's going to be very tired!" Will she? Thanks for the marriage tips. You mean Newmommy's not going to be ready to do this all herself? I wish someone told me that before I got into this.
  7. "Do you know what the sex is?" (Including the use of 'he' to mean the yet-unknown sex of the baby or whether it is better to find out the sex before the baby is born).
  8. "Are you going to take time off from work?" This conversation annoys me solely based on the number of times a day I have it. Yes, I will be taking two weeks off.
  9. Any conversation involving a graphic description of the delivery and/or the umbilical cord and/or my involvement in the cutting of the umbilical cord.
  10. Any conversation involving the flaws in my plan to get Newmommy to the hospital.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The answer to question #2: If your child is old enough to make a newmommy breastfeeding request (e.g. verbally or in writing), it's officially time to get him/her started on a bottle.