Saturday, May 26, 2007

Lowering the !@#%$ing Crib

At the tail end of last week's Budcation, Newmommy and I decided it was time to lower the crib. The crib has three settings, and we wanted to take it from the highest to the lowest. It is a seemingly simple procedure which basically involves removing the screws attached to the metal arms that hold up the mattress, shifting the arms back to the lowest position, and resetting the screws into the last set of holes. This is a very challenging task, however, if the screw holes don't quite match the lowest position of the metal arms.

The afternoon thus turned into an episode of the most cliche' family sitcom.

Wife: [Husband], would you please lower [Baby's] crib?
Husband: I'll do it later, I'm watching the game.
Wife: But my parents are coming back with [Baby] in a few hours!
Husband: Fine, I'll do it now.
Wife: Can I help?
Husband: No, I can do it myself. I also will leave the toilet seat up and not ask for directions on our next road trip.

[Silence, followed by expletives.]

Wife: Is everything OK in here?

[More expletives.]

Wife: Should I call the store to ask them how to do it?
Husband: I am doing this right, the !#%$* crib is just broken.

[Brady Bunch-type dissolve to show the passing of time and the quick changing-of-the-mind].

Husband: OK, call the store.

Anyway, the rest of the story involves us going to the store, the guy looking at us like we're idiots, and them confirming that what we were doing was, in fact, correct (I do realize that those who know me are fully convinced by now that I was simply not doing it right; I promise you, I was!) Screwdrivers were involved where they probably should not have been; as was a wire hanger...don't ask...but it did work. Bud is now the proud owner of a crib on it's lowest setting.

If and when #2 comes around, I'd buy another crib faster than I'd reset that f-ing thing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

LOL!! Dude, you're such a tool!! :) Not too worry though, you're in good company. I recently lowered the crib for my #2 and if it weren't for #1 being in the room with me, there would have been expletives being shouted the entire time.