Saturday, September 16, 2006

Guesswork in a White Coat: Teacher's Edition

"Principal Skinner: Um, ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable has happened. Some sick, twisted individual has stolen every teacher's edition in this school.
Teacher: What'll we do!?
Ms. Krabapple: Declare a snow day!
Teacher: Does anyone know the multiplication table?
Skinner: No, please, don't panic. They can smell fear."
- From "The Simpsons: Separate Vocations"

I present below the teacher's edition to Thursday's post, "Guesswork in a White Coat" ...answers provided by the Pediatrician...

Do you clean the area around the umbilical cord before it falls off?
Pediatrician SAYS {in my best Richard Dawson voice}: You can if you want, but it is not necessary.

Do you wake a sleeping baby to feed?
Jim J. Bollock: "Yes." Pediatrician: "Disagree, unless she's gone four hours without feeding. But, most likely, you won't have to wake her up by then." Circle gets a square.

To supplement breastfeeding, should you use a bottle?
Stop! Stop at a Whammy.... (The Pediatrician actually said yes, but I couldn't think of a good way to tie-in Press Your Luck, arguably the greatest gameshow of all time.)

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